There are things in life that sound like a good idea, in theory, but when executed are – at the very least – mildly regrettable. Off the top of my head, I can think of a few: eating at Taco Bell, shopping at a mall on a Friday night, and going to a karaoke bar. Taco Bell and three chili dogs are easily interchangeable in this example. My local mall seems to be full of teenagers who move in herds (is that what they’re called? A pack of flamingoes is actually a flamboyance and a group of owls is called a parliament. I did not know this, and I am a grown-up. I’m hoping some of you did not know this either and it’s not that I’m just wildly uncultured), and I totally get off my lawn them when they’re rolling 20 deep and blocking the wing to the food court.
I have needs, Children.
I’m also probably cranky because Abercrombie, Hollister, and Forever 21 are spraying gallons of cologne into the fluorescent-lit atmosphere. The mall smells like Axe and teenage boy pheromones and vanilla scented lotion, and I don’t know, I just wanted to visit Ulta for nail polish.
Karaoke bars are super fun – SORT OF. The sound system is always a little bit wonky, 95% of us can’t carry a tune, but 87% are mildly buzzed if not wildly inebriated, so it almost doesn’t matter. But it does, it does. One time I was pulled up on stage to sing some song, but it was in this crazy high key and I wasn’t willing to induce actual pain among my peers, so I ended up dancing to a tinny version of Natalie Imbruglia’s Torn. It wasn’t pretty. Neither is a half-dozen women dispassionately singing I Will Survive. Also, only sociopaths volunteer other people to sing karaoke solos, okay?
But then I saw THIS video which I’m sure you’ve seen, but just in case you haven’t, it’s worth the ten minute investment.
And then I was like… LIP SYNC BARS. Why aren’t there lip-sync bars? The fun is sort of singing along and performing, but what are the chances that you’re going to make Rumor Has It sound better than Adele? Just play the actual song, we’re all saved the embarrassment of having little to no musical talent, and the night is still fun.
Someone open one and make millions and invite me to come, please. I’ll bring the Mexican food, JK JK JK actually not JK, because tacos are delicious.